Food Porn

I really don't know why I feel the need to use this blog as a confessional! I am not, nor have I ever been Catholic, I suffer no guilt in not testifying my transgressions! Nonetheless, here you will find, yet another. My sin? Food. I love food....with a capital "L". Fruit, veggies, pasta, bread, cheese and chocolate....mmm....chocolate. I don't like mushrooms or mustard but everything else is fair game! God gave me a passion for good food. He threw in the tendency to get fat for shits and giggles. This baby's got back, let me tell you! There has not been a single day since I hit puberty that I have not worried about food or my weight. I have had a long and rocky, love/hate relationship with food for as long as I can remember. But for the past year I have been working hard to change the dynamics of how I see and relate to it. My health depends on me doing so. I had to learn to put vanity aside. My heart, literally and figuratively, was suffering as a result of years of obesity, binge eating, starving, and dieting. I came to understand that my weight was no longer about how I looked, but instead, a reflection of how I felt.

Being fat effects so many aspects of your life. I do not go to beaches in fear of wearing a swimsuit and I love to swim but wont go to the public pool for the same reason. I avoid social occasions where I may see people that last knew me as slim or smaller than I am now. I perpetually put off doing things and going places, waiting to be a few sizes smaller. My "Bucket List" is long. I've dreamed of going to Paris for years but I want to wait till I can shop in all the designer stores. I want to swim The Reef in Australia and hike the West Coast Trail but am not physically fit enough to do so. Not to mention the impact my weight has had on my relationship. Sensuality is born of confidence and security in ones self. I have examined all of the many repercussions of being fat, at length, and decided to made a change.

Firstly I had to change the way I feel. As a woman, I am all about feelings! I needed to stop viewing my body as an enemy and start appreciating and nurturing it. I have forever hated my legs. They are short and thick. I needed to see them as strong and powerful. I no longer see myself as short, but as petite and feminine. My shoulders are broad and my hips wide, but these things simply make my waist look smaller. Everything is a matter of perspective. I stopped sucking in my cheeks and belly when looking in the mirror or making fun of myself all the time. A good friend of mine taught me to say, "thank you" when someone pays you a compliment rather than denying their observations. I didn't loose weight at first, but I stopped FEELING fat. Right now, I feel like a strong, healthy and slim woman- inside. Once I was able to change how I felt internally, I started to change the way I looked externally. I read a book called, "French Women Don't Get Fat". I highly recommend that everyone, young and old, fat or fit, read this book. As a Canadian from the West Coast I will admit to being prejudice towards all things French (of the Canadien variety or otherwise), but when I put aside my defensiveness, I learned that French woman really do have something to teach the Western world...or at least this book does. Here are a few of my favorite tips:

-French woman usually think of good things to eat while American woman worry about bad foods to eat.

-they do not eat "sugar-free" or "fat-free", instead they eat the real thing, in moderation

-they eat with all five sense, allowing less to seem like more.

-balance your food, drink and movement on a week by week basis. (don't worry if you have a bad day, just eat less and work harder tomorrow.)

-never let yourself be hungry and never let yourself get full.

-drink water, all day long.

-little things count, both additions and subtractions.

-move as much as possible (walk to the store, take the stairs etc.)

-don't diet

-love, eat and laugh

Lastly, the author suggests, "French woman dress to take out the garbage, (you never know.)" Today, I would have been well served had I taken this last recommendation to heart. It seems that all my walks down memory lane this past week attracted the cosmos to my cause. I went out for eggs this morning in a ratty old pair of jeans, t-shirt and my hair a mess, without a drop of makeup....oh, and a little mascara under my eyes for good measure. In seven years of living in this town I have not come across any of my old flames. Not one. You better believe that on this day, looking like hell, I run into my first love at the market. Isnt it funny, how life is like that? When you think of someone for the first time in years and then run into them soon after? Damn that Murphy and his laws.

And on to food porn we go! It is not as kinky as it sounds, I promise. My favorite star? Paula Dean. That woman loves butter like none other! Today, she actually deep fried cheese cake! Seriously. I love to watch the food channel. I call my favorite shows, "food porn." I lust over all the food that they eat- that I cant. I drool over their caramel fudge cakes and pot roast dinners! I like to imagine that I am there with them, eating that delicious food too! I watch in awe as they make succulent dishes and divine desserts! *sigh* I love Paul Dean, Anna Olsen, Bobby Flay.... Oh! And I'd marry Mario Batali.

My relationship with food has evolved. I am loosing weight and carry myself with a new found confidence (with the minor exception of being caught poorly dressed and haggard looking by an ex!) I love food but I love living life even more! Cheers!