So I decided that today was the day! I was going to don my new half chaps and take my lesson looking like a (semi) normal English rider.... I don't know why I found the idea of doing so embarrassing but I did...
But, as I drove to the barn, I suddenly realized that not only did I feel totally and inexplicably like an impostor and idiot for wearing those dark brown suede zippy thing-a-ma-poppers wrapped around my calves but I actually had no clue how to put the freakin' things on! And so I picked up the package in hopes that there would be a helpful picture on the front.... as you'd think there would be! But oh no! Oh no!...Little Miss I-know-how-to-put-my-half-chaps-on jumping her horse over the logo wasnt even wearing the product! Loser!
I pulled over in a school parking lot and decided to try them on.... I mean, how hard could it be right? Right. Ha!
I pulled them out... there was some vents on one side, meshing on the other, a zipper, a little heel strap (that totally reminded me of those pants we used to wear in the early 90's and that I saw in Macy's last month!) and a puffy bit at the bottom. Hmmm.... So I tried it one way and it looked kinda right but then I realized that the zipper was on the inside of my leg and I figured that wasnt a goo thing....
Again, I picked up the package to see if there were instructions... but I guess the folks who make half chaps figured that strapping the bloody things to your legs would be pretty much self explanatory. *sigh* And so I tried them on the other way in an attempt to make the zipper go to the outside but no such luck.... The little strap thingy on the bottom was all out of place and the fabric was all bunched and awkward looking... and to top it off they were really pretty tight and so I thought, "Dang, I guess I got the wrong size."
It was about that point I noticed that I was running late and there was no time for further contimpation of the great mystery, the inconquerable puzzle that are half chaps! As I sped my way towards the barn, my cheeks burning, I muttered to myself "coward, pansy, cowgirl up!"
As I hopped out of the car I looked down at my legs and thought "that just aint look right" but wearing half chaps in the first place was a pretty foreign and embarrassing idea.... and so.... I walked into the barn.
Within a minute Shannon, my instructor walked by. I knew that at any moment she'd notice my new attire and so I figured I'd bite the bullet and mention it first...and so I say, "Ahh... so... I went and bought a pair of half chaps... I'm not sure but I dont think they fit me right, I think their too small.... or something..." *blushes scarlet*
Shannon, bless her heart, doesnt laugh. She just walks by all casual like and says, "Well, could be 'cause you have them on backwards."
"Oh!" I say.... when really I'm thinking, just shoot me now....instead I manage to sputter out, "Well, I figured that the zipper needed to go on the outside..."
Shannon: "Well, yes..."
And then it clicks.
I dont just have them on backwards (with the front facing the back and back to front) but I also have the right leg on the left and the left leg on the right.
I cant remember exactly what I said after that. And I cant say, in polite company, what I was thinking to myself but I'm pretty sure the words, "this is SO going on my blog" were uttered.
*hangs head in shame*
But I do have to admit that by the end of my lesson I could have kissed those bloody half chaps!! Man! What a difference they made in my ability to keep my leg still!
And yes, in the end, I did figure out how to put them on properly (thank you very much!).