Sunday, February 21, 2010

Vampire Porn

****WARNING: The following post contains adult content suitable only for those with a sexually suggestive sense of humor and a willingness to overlook my inappropriate posting behavior***


Well, I intended to do an "update" post letting you all know what I've been up to this past week (riding, lessons, Olympics, hikes, etc.) but I doubt any of those mundane subjects could compare to the the intrigue aroused by these two short words- Vampire Porn.


So, I ran in to a bookstore a few days ago hoping to quickly grab the sequel to a novel I recently read (Into the Wilderness by Sara Donati) but after spending ten minutes searching, it looked like I was going to walk out empty handed (which would be even more sacrilegious as walking out of a tack store empty handed) and so I frantically scanned the isle for something- anything- when a dark book with the words "Vampire Romance" caught my eye...




The title: 'The Mammoth Book of Vampire Romance- over 25 short stories of hot blood, midnight pleasures and inhuman passions.'


*raises hand* SOLD!


Seriously, with a title like that how could I not buy it?!



This is where I also need to mention that I recently watched the movie 'Boogie Nights' wherein Mark Walhberg (hello Marky Mark!) and Julienne Moore explore the cheesy, pronstash wearing, pool-boy-meets-lonely-housewife porn industry of the 70's and 80's.

And so, having recently become well apprised on the subject, I feel confident in declaring this Mammoth Book of Vampire Romance retitled, "The Mammoth Book of unabashedly 80's-style-Vampire Porn".

Oh my!

Every last ounce of the sexual frustration aroused by the painfully chaste Twilight series has been made up for in just one of these juicy, steamy, fetish filled short stories.

Stephanie Mayer, hold on to your hat girl 'cause this shit is hot!

Would I be a totally creep if I admitted to finding it entertaining...

Oh I would?
Well, of course I dont like it at all! I was just checking...

*blank stare*

So wanna little peak? Oh come on! You know you do! I've included a few strategically in focus sentences within the photos above... I dare you not to look!

10 comments:

  1. Too funny! You neglected to mention if this lit any REAL fires ;-)

    WV = sparit
    And maybe that's a good thing!

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  2. I never know what I'm going to find on these pages....Thanks for the early Monday giggle!

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  3. You have to bring this book!! LOL

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  4. You crack me up! I never got on the whole vampire bandwagon, but sounds like a great find for you!

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  5. LOL! Chelsi, you're such a hoot! I love your interest in *ahem* bodice rippers! Makes for entertaining reads for the rest of us!

    wv: exighth- What Chelsi would say when trying to show a vampire the exit out of a building. Example: "Ok, go left through that door", she says as she turns her back to gesture towards the correct direction. "Exi-gh-thhh", she says, letting out a sigh as he bites deeply into her exposed neck...

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  6. TOO funny! I love that you bought this. I think vampires originated in passion-charged novels such as this, over the G-rated Twilight. Speaking of vampires, I was actually thinking of watching Twilight tonight....I haven't watched it since the fall and I kinda miss it!

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  7. OK I am slightly ashamed to admit that I may just have to try to find this book and read it myself.

    Chelsi you are a baaaad influence! lol

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  8. UH Chelsi, I am totally buying this book!

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