Step Three- GET HELP!

Well, this is the point in my 10 Step "I am scared of horses" Recovery Program" where we need to focus on developing some confidence again. The object of this program was not for me to eliminate all of my fear....because that fear is a natural and primal instinct designed to keep me safe! No, the object was to build confidence and allow that confidence to temper the kind of fear that was disabling me from handling horses effectively and safely..... To find the balance between a healthy level of fear and a healthy level of confidence.

What I found was that the only way to develop CONFIDENCE was to get CONTROL.

Repeat after me (You don't really have too....I understand if you dont.... :)

CONTROL EQUALS CONFIDENCE.

So how do we gain control? By learning new TOOLS. By tools I mean methods, techniques, and specific directions on how to handle and control your horse safely.

And how do we learn new tools? By taking lessons, going to clinics, reading books, watching DVDs, mentoring with a friend, or by taking whatever helping hand you can find.

So.... Step Three is- GET HELP!

The most important thing I learned by going to that clinic with Shaunit was that TOOLS, no matter what form or package they come in, are always a 'good thing'. (Martha Stewart agrees.) I went looking for tools in the very place I had least expected to find them.... I had a Parelli prejudice and no interest in playing games, carrot sticks or teaching my horse "tricks".

What I quickly learned, in the first hour of the clinic, was two very important things....

First, that Level 1 (of my ex parelli guru's program) just happened to give me the most important tool I needed! Which was the ability to send away and set my horse in a specific spot and have him stay there! This little trick was exactly what the doctor ordered because it meant that I could send or set Shaunti as far away from me as I needed in order to make myself feel comfortable and safe.

The second thing I learned was that.....carrot sticks ROCK!

This fancy dancy little tool (literally speaking this time) was my very own Star Wars style lightsaper with which I could battle the dark side! ... sorry... I took it one step too far again, didnt I? ....

Now in actuality, a carrot stick doesn't provide much protection at all from a 1000 pound animal... but it does give you the means to control your horse's body at a distance! -Away from the danger zone!! (saying that always makes me think of the movie Top Gun and the song Danger Zone...yah, I know...I'm weird)

Now, I am not saying that everyone needs a "carrot stick" in order to overcome their fears! Not at all. The carrot stick just a tool that I learned to use while I was getting help! What is important is that I was willing to try anything, even something as wacky doodle as a carrot stick.

Which brings me back to the third post of this blog.... "I own a Stick" July 14, 2008

Here is part of it (slightly revised)....

Okay, so.....I own a stick. It is not orange. Mine is black with a fancy white string at the end. I had a few color options at the time of purchase- I went with the most inconspicuous. I have a carrot stick bias. For those who don't follow the Lords of our sport, the Gurus, the Gods, let me explain the carrot stick.

There is a natural horsemanship clinician that some would call THE God of all things natural, Pat Parelli. In truth, the methods he sells have been around since before he was born- used by rough neck cowboys and clinicians, real men that drank whiskey straight, ate their steak raw and smoked a pack a day! But what Parelli did- that they didnt-was package up his methods in shiny black boxes filled with 8 DVDs and sell them for over $200 a pop. They didn't come up with graduated level systems, must have gadgets, ropes and saddles, special academies or clubs...etc. He actually had the nerve to make ground work games! Games!!!

You see, Parelli is is a marketing genius. I am sure he has done really well for himself, which would be the first strike against him- he actually made money! What a sell out! His demographic is largely comprised of 40+ women that had horses in their youth but were too busy raising babies for the past 20 years to pursue a sport of their own. They are scared of horses and don't know how to handle them safely. The want to be friends with their horses. Its all that lovey, dovey, one with nature, granola stuff that the baby boomers famously eat up like hot cakes. And Pat Parelli- he is their GOD.

I don't follow Parelli. I thought that the Parelli hens were nuts. Their horses, crazy. Their methods, dangerous. They all carry around this thing they call a carrot stick, a bright orange 4 foot long piece of heavy plastic resembling a fishing rod with a rope of about six feet or so attached to the end. They use this stick to do their games. I didn't get it. I poked fun- as did all the REAL horse people. I wouldn't be caught dead with one.

I own a "horsemanship stick". Its black. Did I mention that it is not a carrot stick? Why do I have one? Because I am scared of horses! And all the other real horsemen are mean people that force you to "cowgirl up" and just go "get'r done", buck up, suck up...all without the benefit of a brightly colored stick to defend yourself with. Or so it seemed... in my eyes. I was desperate. A trainer that was once a "Certified Parelli Level Three Instructor" was holding a clinic and I signed up. He didn't have games. Bonus! He did have levels and an item for sale that conspicuously resembled a carrot stick but came in every color under the rainbow BUT orange. I found this highly suspicious.

The first day of the clinic, I found myself standing with a 'horsemanship stick' in my hands. For the next 3 months I didn't let go. It was a crutch, soother, baby blanket, whatever you want to call it but I LOVED that thing like I have never loved something inanimate in my life. It gave me power!

When I combined this fancy new tool with the body control techniques I learned that first day of the clinic- I gained the first tenuous foothold in my long climb to feeling confident with horses again. Whether your fear lies on the ground or up in the saddle, your ability to feel confident relies on being your ability to be in control of your horse... when you are in control, confidence comes easy.

Step Four tomorrow!

***** Thank you all for your comments on yesterdays post. Your support is, as always, greatly appreciated.*****