Lately I've been having a hard time focusing on my writing and art...or any other responsibilities... like housework and cooking.... What have I been doing instead? Why spending an inordinate amount of time looking at horses for sale online of course!.... (and I don't think I'm the only one who's been having this problem *COUGH Melanie COUGH* )
It has been almost 10 months since I've had a horse at home and in those ten months I've only ridden a handful of times. I cant believe it has been that long! Where does the time go? Needless to say I am getting crazy, itchy, obsessive about riding again.
But I find myself in the same position I have so many times before. Coming back after a "layoff".
Like going from a little wee cutting horse to a huge, round Warmblood, it can feel a little funky...like when you are used to being in a low sports car and all the sudden you're driving a big jacked up truck... (there I go with my car/horse analogies again ;-)
Well when you haven't been riding, at all, it is really hard to just jump right back in to the swing of things again and be able to get a good feel for some strange horse. To compound the problem after a lay-off I am always really rusty...mentally I know where my feet/hands should be but they just dont go there subconsciously anymore.
And then the double whammy....
The owner/seller/leaser of that strange horse (that I really dont trust because I never trust horse sellers ...especially when they say "Oh no! He never bucks/spooks/bolts/rears!".... which I think is a fair position for me to take because I've been on plenty of so-called-horses that have in fact, bucked/spooked/bolted/reared much to the "surprise" of the seller who "cant believe he/she did that!" )....where was I? Oh yes, this seller is watching me...judging me...or worst of all, instructing me!
Which is great! I'm are riding some strange horse around some strange field, worried that the owner is thinking "this girl cant ride worth a shit" and all the while I'm muttering to myself, "damn, I cant ride worth a shit" and then I'm suppose to be trying to figure out whether I want to fork over my hard earned cash (okay, maybe I didn't work hard for it but DB did!) to buy this horse.... who at that moment I really don't feel comfortable on because he like totally feels weird...
And while I am busy trying to not look like an ass, keeping my heels down- hands up, ass in the saddle, "sit back!", get a feel, watch where I am going, catch signs of lameness, keep an eye on potential hazards/horse-eating monsters, I cant stop thinking...."Oh my God, if she tells me "just pick up the reins and he'll drop his head" one more time I'm going to scream because I'm picking up the reins and he's not dropping his head.... you freakin' weirdo with the weird horse! And now she wants me to school her horse? Just get after him she says? Yah, and he wont blow right? I'll just go ahead and take your word for it!"
Did anyone fallow that?!?! Bless your heart if you did.
The bottom line is...
Buying horses is fun when you do it online... but it's really stressful to do in real life. Especially when you've been off for so long that your confidence/ sub-conscience skills, balance, and feel are more than a little rusty....
Which is why I've been looking for a lease horse. Something I can get out on a few days a week to ride and get back into the rhythm of things before actually looking to buy (maybe). I miss and love horses. I miss and love riding. But I hate trying to find the right horse to buy or lease.
*whew* Thanks for that. I feel much better.