Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Women Against Psychic Bladders Unite!

I think my bladder is psychic! Or at the very least totally masochistic. If I am twenty minutes from home and I have to go pee, I can hold it with no problem....right up until the driveway. As I approach the house the urge gets stronger....by the front door I'm starting to get worried... and as I walk in the house take my jacket off and start down the hall I'm starting to panic... things turn urgent... and then... then I get to washroom!... but not in the washroom! Oh no! I'm poised just outside the door...standing there... doing the pee pee dance! ....as I stare longingly at the toilet. Finally I make the final dash but wait! There is one last step. The pants! The pants must come down! Another pee pee dance ensues. And then... well then, relief alas. Why? Why couldnt that sneaky little voice trick my bladder into thinking that we were still miles away from a washroom? Why must it always let the secret fly just a few feet short of home? I wanna know, dammit! Why?! Btw, this is nothing new. I remember when I used to walk home from school it was the same story, every day. I'd get to within five houses of home and BAM! It'd hit. I gotta go! Now! What is really embarrassing is that I lived in a cul-de-sac and so it's not like I was able to just stop in front of my neighbors house and do a little pee pee dance for a minute. Oh no! I'd have to come up with some inconspicuous task to use as an excuse to stop... you know, check my back back, tie my shoe (or untie and re-tie I should say) or stop and admire my neighbor's garden. The sweet lady next door must of thought I was obsessed with her pansies! But eventually I'd make it through the front door and then it was game on! My bladder and I'd have a throw-down, show-down. The nearest bathroom? Upstairs... seven small steps... seven agonizing steps to freedom.

Why not just go before leaving school you ask? Because I didnt have to go then. Oh no! And these days my bladder doesn't give up that pertinent little bit of news before I leave the grocery store or restaurant either. No! No! It is sadistic freak of nature that knows just which bathroom is mine! So it lays in wait, holding tight until it senses the moment to strike! Just a few feet short of the blessed, blasted toilet, it springs to life! But I shall play slave to no man... or organ! (that doesnt sound right, does it?)... I am a strong, confident, woman in firm control of her bladder! And so I fight! I fight! And I'll win, dammit!

I'm going to start a club, "Women Against Psychic Bladders Unite!" WAPBU for short.

Are you in!?!
Oh! And I discovered something else! All of these pin up girls we thought were trying to be sexy?! Well they're not! Oh no, they're doing the pee pee dance!!! Check it out!


  1. I have similar situations. Before I go out on a nice long trail ride I never have to pee but as soon as i'm close to the barn I have to pee. It's too the point that if I do a pee pee dance in the saddle my mares will take off to the barn. My mares know the drill so well that they'll gallop up to the restroom and turn sideways for me to dismount.

    It's embarrassing when other people ride them and shift around too much since my mares automatically take off for home and will stop at the restroom door. They're controllable of course and it's stoppable but it's hilarious at my expense.

  2. This is hysterical! I, too, have been known to do the pee pee dance on occasion, but so far have not trained my horse to run home for me. So, I wonder.....do we look as sexy as those pin up girls when we're doing the dance?

  3. Laughing so hard... I could have written that! I have a place not far from the bathroom at work that is my "shoe tying place" even when I am wearing non-tie shoes. It drives me nuts. I blame it on the kids. My bladder was fine before they came along!

    What a great post! I needed a laugh this morning!

  4. LOL!!! I sooo agree with you!! Count me in sista!! Glad these silly little things happen to other people besides me... :)

  5. HA! Love it! I'm so there for WAPBU! I often have to take a second to "collect" myself before I get out of my truck when I get home. lol Then heaven forbid any of the animals get in my way on the way in the house!

  6. Hmm Well I was just searching on Google for some psychic readings and psychic articles and just came across your blog, generally I just only visit blogs and retrieve my required information but this time the useful information that you posted in this post compelled me to reply here and appreciate your good work. I just bookmarked your blog.

  7. Well, I guess many women get stuck doing the pee pee dance. It must burn a lot of calories which makes it a great thing!