Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Girl Out of the Honky-Tonk

Ever heard that expression, “You can take the girl out of the honky-tonk but you cant take the honky-tonk out of the girl?” Well…

When my DB and I first got together I proudly called myself a redneck. I had the love of jacked up trucks, mud rallies, beer-drink-boys, “shootin’ shit”, small towns, rodeo, country music, and to top it off I had a mouth that could put a sailor to shame…(okay so maybe a few of the above could be true today). I remember when we headed out to our first dinner function together, it was a formal affair at a very nice restaurant in the city and I was young enough that my hands shook with nerves as I got dressed trying to figure out how to play the high-class woman when I was nothing but a small-town girl. If it was one thing I knew- these boys wouldn’t be impressed by a vintage Coors shirt cut too short or my cowboy boots with genuine horse shit on the heels- oh no sir-ee!…

I put on everything new- tall, strap back pumps, a black and oh-so-sexy power suit cut to my shape topped with enough bling at my ears and throat to make it all look Hollywood glam. I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman…only minus the whole hooker bit.

My stomach was a knot of anticipation thinking that unlike Viv there was no handy concierge for a last minute “what fork is what” lesson and to make matters worse we were running late, the car was waiting and I was missing the back to my earring. My nerves, already frayed, decided this minor problem rated as certain catastrophe and so I set madly about the house looking under every table and chair for a not-so- proverbial needle in the haystack. The only thing standing between me, the perfect outfit and my least thread of my sanity was that itty bitty piece of medal. DB, in typical unsympathetic male fashion called to me “I am getting in the car. Forget the damn earrings. We’ve got to go!”
Panic set my cheeks flaming as a cold sweat broke out over my body. My search continued- it had to be here! But it was no use. Just then- an idea!

Not a moment later I was floundering my way out the door, my feet slick with sweat and teetering like a new foal in too- high heels.

I settled back in the plush leather seat, gasping at the cool air-conditioned air and waited for my pulse to return to even. DB turned in his seat to look me up and down with unconcealed awe. Seeing that look was worth all the effort- and then some. He leaned over to murmur huskily in my ear, “You look like a million dollars”. As he pulled back his eye fell on my earrings with a smile, “Oh you found the back?”
I shook my head and grinned- half sheepish, half smug, “Not really but I made it work.”
There was a glint in his eye- he knew me all too well, “What do you mean?”
I just turned, smiled real slow and said, “Honey, you can take the girl out of the honky-tonk but you cant take the honky-tonk out of the girl.”
I fingered my ear and cocked my head so he could see. There, wound neatly around the end and holding my earring firmly in place was the unmistakable gray of the always handy, but rarely handsome duct tape.
That night, whenever my nerves got the best of me I only had to think of my earring taped to my ear- Red Green style- to remind me of who I was.

Today I felt much the same as that night so long ago.

This afternoon I had my first English riding lesson. Before I left for the barn I was a bundle of nerves, feeling out of place and out of sorts. I didn’t have the right clothes, boots or gear. I knew from previous experience that half-chaps, (a leather sheath that protects your inner calve from being chaffed by the stirrup leathers) could mean the difference between a good ride and a distracting pinch or sore. I fretted between spending the $45 for a pair or holding off until I was sure this was something I’d do more than once.

This afternoon I had a fantastic riding lesson. It was incredible. I loved every single minute of it. The horse was awesome, the instructor, amazing and I had FUN to boot. And through it all I took some small comfort in knowing that I wore my favorite, unforgivably ugly and distinctly western boots and under my jeans- redneck half chaps….more commonly known as vet wrap.


  1. Great story. Now where the horse pix you promised ;-)

    BTW, Mr. Fry and I love Red Green.

  2. Duct tape really can fix anything! Glad you enjoyed your English lesson and ride.

  3. Ha Ha! You don't have to get all geared up in that to ride English! I do most of the time now, and I DON'T ride Western AT ALL, but I have been known to ride in jeans and cowgirl boots. Who cares? It's a way to improve your learning, not a fashion show. :) If you decide to take it up, by all means, outfit yourself! I know a few western riders who take dressage lessons to ride better in their Western discipline. Especially reining. I am of the firm belief that if you can ride dressage with any modicum of talent, you can learn anything. IT truly teaches you to ride. Ride both English and Western. Who cares? It only shows your open mindedness and will make you a more knowlegable, not to mention versatile rider! :O) AND ENJOY! Your reining dreams remind me of how I tend to get during a dressage lesson. I forget and must remind myself. I am there to commune with my horse. Progress is just a bonus. Maybe I should take a reining lesson? ROFL!
    PS: I rode with just jeans and no half chaps for 2 years. They are nice but good riding is really going to be your key...I love my suede Ariats, and my full seat breeches, but I haven't noticed them changing my riding dramatically or keeping me on better when Jackson shies. ;)

  4. I love this story! And I truly believe that Vet Wrap is the Equine equivalent to duct tape! Good for you. I am glad you enjoyed it!

  5. Ahahahah, girl, you and I are of the same thread. Although I have never duct-taped an earring, I have had to dress up to the nines and appear to act like a lady. Somehow though, I always give myself away. When I used to run barrels, most of the girls would have those fancy neoprene knee wraps, and I would have a brightly colored polo wrapped around me knees!

    BTW, I hope you have some pictures of your lesson!

  6. Congrats!!! I am so excited for you - I hope this all turns out to be a wonderful experience for you! Don't worry about buying all the right gear at once - wait until you are sure you know what you want. SO glad you liked your lesson.

  7. Fun story. Now I'm going to be on the look-out for a Page-a-Day calendar called "365 Uses for Vetwrap." I was popular at the office when I had the duct tape calendar of like title. People wandered by my desk every day to see what kind of crazy, but useful things could be done with duct tape. I don't recall seeing an earring back in the calendar though. That's a new one. And glad you had a good lesson.

  8. Good story! Glad you liked your lesson too! I wouldn't worry about the half chaps too much. Vetwrap is cool stuff.

    I had a burn on my leg a few years ago and I had special non-adhesive bandages and regular tape wouldn't hold them on - it was on the front of my calf. Once I got home, I pulled out a roll of vetwrap and fixed that sucker up. At my next Dr.s appt - the dr wanted to know what that miracle sticky bandage was! lol

  9. Vet wrap and duct tape all in one story - now that takes some doing!

  10. ROFL! THAT is one great story!

    (by the way, a pencil eraser is a great emergency earring back. Just in case this comes up again)

    I'm going to have to pack some vet wrap. Sounds like it'll do the job.

    I'm really interested in how the english riding feels different from western. When I get through my ... challenges, I hope to take a few lessons too...

  11. Fabulous post! When I was young and poor I often wrapped my legs with polo bandages to keep "rub-age" from happening!

  12. This was so funny! I can totally relate to the story - and I love the duct tape idea! Hey, whatever works, right?

    I guess I'm a bit of a sadist because I never wore half chaps. I always kind of enjoyed my battle scarred legs. Lol!

  13. I always love your stories! I'm not sure I'd have thought of the duct tape. That was a very creative solution, my friend!