Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A most-unladylike discussion!

****Warning: THE FOLLOWING POST DEALS WITH MATURE SUBJECT MATTER- lacking for any social etiquette and highly suggestive in sexual content and inappropriate for many readers- I highly suggest that my mother, specifically, not read it :) .... and anyone not willing to see the humor in this most unladylike discussion.... ******

A friend and I were having a conversation the other day in Chapters. Let me tell you- it was most certainly NOT a conversation one would usually partake in at a book store. Or any public place for that matter. The two of us were wandering around the store, pulling out some of our favorite books and discussing the merits of each... some of which were great literary masterpieces... and some of which were quite undeniably smut.... when one book in particular inspired a most-un-ladylike topic.....

It all started with a discussion about "the talk"...

You know "the talk"... that incredibly awkward and usually-by-that-time-irrelevant sex talk you have with your parents?

Yah... that one.

So there we were in the magazine section- my English-riding friend looking through Horse and Hound and I perusing Western Horseman- the both of us totally engrossed in the discussion of how we gained the majority of our pre-personal-experience Intel from late night slumber parties...

Ahhh! Slumber Parties! Remember them?

The dictionary should read:

Slumber Party: wherein a group of virginal, pure-of-mind, prepubescent girls gather around the prerequisite, know-all hussy (there is always one) to gather sorridly graphic, oh-so-steamy instruction on matters pertaining to the opposite sex... ie- how to french kiss a boy as well as what unexpected consequences might arise from such action....

It was during this discussion that the topic of how and when we discovered the logistics of giving blow jobs came about...

Excuse me? Yes, I did just say Blow Jobs. WOW!!! cant believe I just typed that!!!!

So... this is about where those of you who didn't take my warning might want to reconsider!

Because this is a topic that I simply must discuss... you'll find out why later...

So, I mentioned to my friend that at a teen I found the term "blow job" rather confusing- given some misinformation I had received that led me to read the term as...well....a literal translation of the act... Come on! You have to admit that the term is an oxymoron of sorts...highly confusing to such an innocent mind as mine was at the time.

Anyways... this prompted a further discussion on the topic....

I just have to pause here to note that there were actually one or two...or three men in our general vicinity during our conversation... men who seemed to gather suspiciously close as it progressed... men who eventually gave up even the pretext of flipping the pages of the magazines in their hands and took to staring blankly with one ear keenly trained in our direction. But I digress.

Eventually the topic turned to even classier subject matters....such as our general assumptions of the popularity of such acts amongst our fellow female friends (having agreed that most of the males we know are unanimous in their opinion of such) and more specifically how women feel about giving them... the poll read as follows....

Do most women:

a) hate it, wont do it
b) dont like it but will do it
c) dont mind
d) like it
e) love it

A dare, of sorts, was wagered. A poll was suggested. Yes, I said poll. Her suggestion... that I place a poll with the above options on my BLOG!!!

I believe my reply was a resounding, "Ah...yah.... I THINK NOT!!!"

A debate ensued. I defended my honor, my class, my dignity... my lady-ish-ness *blank stare* and in the end we settled on some terms...

The result of which is today's post.

A bet is a bet. This is me paying up....Discussing fellatio on my blog.

*hangs head in shame*

Here is my question to you.

What is your best guess at the result of the poll? (see above for options a,b,c,d,e,)

Who is willing to step up and admit they are just as sordidly curious as we were!?!?


  1. I'll go first!

    My choice would be… c, and if I was in a bad mood, it would drop to b.

    This topic woke me up better than my coffee this morning! Kudos!

  2. I have to say b.

    guys smell funny. It's really kinda gross if you think about it to long. AND, I have a huge gag reflex. hahahaha *snickers to self*

  3. Wow, and I thought my "hangin' balls" post was risque!! Ah, ha ha! I can only imagine those guys in the store...bet they'll never forget that trip to the bookstore! ;)

  4. whatifmyhusbandreadsthisJanuary 12, 2010 at 8:36 AM


  5. Nothing like refreshingly honest topics to get your head spinning at the beginning of the day! I would wager to say C, but I suppose that us women could change our minds rather quickly pertaining to the subject matter, depending on who the subject was!

  6. Hmmmm... I think your post is just fine - nothing to be ashamed of here. Put me in as a B. Just try and get some enjoyment out of it when you have a bad case of TMJ.

  7. My guess would be the majority of women would be between b and c. Mostly I'm a c but can trend towards d as long as it's foreplay and epic fellatio is not the expectation, lol. Then again, in some moods I'm an a or b (rarely b, I'm bad at doing things I don't like, lol).

  8. I has to laugh. When I was young I thought that a BJ had to have a hair dryer cause of the blow part! I just could not figure that one out.

  9. C to d here, my sister is a all the way.

    You can't even say BJ, she gets totally grossed out.

    How about the... other side? What is up to receive cunnilingus? (can't spell it, but you know what I mean).

  10. There are some days when just lay my head down and thats all I care to do (D) I like it. Then ther are other days (B)I dont mind long as I get mine.

  11. Too funny! I love that you'll tackle any subject here. =)

    I'm actually pretty interested in seeing the results of your little poll...this topic came up quite a few times in my last relationship, as my guy always said women weren't generally TOO into it. I'd never questioned it much, but I guess I'm a bit unique....I'd fall into the "e" category! Hey, I'll stand alone! ;)

    Oh, I'd LOVE to see the expressions on those guys faces at the bookstore. And I hope you get something really awesome for winning the bet!

  12. Great topic!! I am just catching up on my blog reading and this was a SUPER posting. LOL

    It would be quite interesting to see actual results, but just like everything else 'woman' the mood just totally dictates the answer.

    I generally run in the c or d categories.... once in a while e, once in a while b!

  13. OH girl, you crack me up! It's funny to think of how these things are "not talked about" but done all the time! I have had the "talk" with my oldest son...well kind of....my dog has come into heat and I've told him about how puppies are made. And he has seen horses bred, so I hope that when the time comes to actually talk about people.....it won't be so hard! ha ha

    Well, with that said, I am a b person. And if my husband wants one, he will have to be fresh out of the shower! He gets so dirty at work and sweaty and if I think about it I will get sick!! LOL, so if freshly showered, yes, I will do it, if not, he is out of luck!!