So..... I have been thinking! Surprised? Me too.I have been thinking of the whole concept of marriage.
Now, if you know me personally (outside the blog world) you would be surprised!
I have been living in sin for over seven years now. Happily. I am non religious, spiritual, but not religious. So I cant say that I actually feel like I live in sin. Sinfully divine, maybe! But not morally unrighteous.
All day today I have been contemplating the whole concept of marriage.
****Mom: don't have a heart attack, I said I was thinking about the concept of marriage, not considering it as a life path for myself. Breath now! ****
I guess, more specifically, I was thinking about what the whole marriage, husband, wife, kit and caboodle represent in society. Last night I discovered that a couple I know, both in their early forties with two daughters, 7 and 9, are not in fact married as we naturally assumed they were. They are the quint essential Canadian family in all other respects. I was surprised, and then curious as to why not. They have been together for over 15 years. They are raising a family. What difference would it make? Wouldn't it be easier to be married?
Which led me to my next train of thought.
My DB. DB stands for Darling Boyfriend. Boyfriend.
I hate when I have to introduce, refer to, or explain, my boyfriend.
What does that mean exactly? Boyfriend. Have we been dating for a few weeks? A year maybe? Maybe we are not even dating! Maybe he is just a boy who is a friend. Maybe we live together, maybe not. Maybe...
I don't dare say partner, especially when he is not there. That has a whole different connotation.
Most of the time I simply say, "my better half" (though DB insists that he is not necessarily the better half of our equation.)
It drives me insane. But the convenience of applying the term husband in order for others to understand the depth and breadth of my relationship it is not a reason to get married. Right? Right.
But here is where I get defensive. I am not married. My DB is not my husband. But to suggest that because he is not my husband, our relationship is something less than what some other random married couple has drive me insane....rrrr.....
DB is infinitely more to me than any term, any name could represent. He is my heart, my love, the centre of my universe.
So I ask you,
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet."
-Shakespeare
If it really bothers you to introduce him as your "boyfriend" you could try sweetheart/sweetie or honey.
ReplyDeleteOr 'your man'.
Or go ahead and introduce him as your hubbie. After all for all intents and purpose if you have been living together for over a year you are considered common-law husband and wife.
Mr. Fry and I have been married for 15 years, but in casual circumstances, I introduce him as either my boyfriend or the love of my life.
ReplyDeleteTerry and I have been living together for almost 5 years now. We are engaged, but I have the hardest time in the world introducing him as my fiance. I usually just stick with my boyfriend. I guess it's all a matter of opinion. One day he'll be my hubby, but not for awhile yet. We are comfortable with where we are at and thats the most important part of the equation. How others persieve it doesn't even cross my mind.
ReplyDeleteI've never had a problem with partner, but I know other people do and that does make me think twice before using it.
ReplyDeleteThankfully I do not have to worry about any of this. However, I really think the easiest way is to stop caring what other people assume about what your relationship is or is not. They can ask if they want to.
I totally understand your dilemma. In our society, there is such an emphasis on marriage, white picket fences, 2.3 kidlets, a dog and cat....that people who chose not to marry, or are married and do not have children, face stigmatization.
ReplyDeleteLOL about the "partner" connotation!!!
Just introduce him as your better half. I do that with my husband!
I was going to ask about common -law marriage up there. I know here it was done away with in like 1990 so you can't do that anymore here. There are downfalls with that too (you can get divorced the same way as a regularly married couple) so if you do that, you might as well just get the papers.
ReplyDeleteTo people who don't want to get married, I say fine. It's YOUR life, do what you want. Look at some of the bigger name people who are not married but have been together longer than those who are. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Tim Robbins and what's-her-name. Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed (my favorite). They are all, as Gene puts it, "Happily UNmarried" rather than unhappily married. lol If you are dedicated to the relationship, who cares about that paper.
As for what to call him? I like cdncowgirl's 'my man' or 'sweetie.' You aren't committing to anything and if they ask, it's either none of their business and you can giggle and evade the question or you can explain if you so desire. If you are happy, that's all that matters and who care's what anyone else says. If I cared, I surely wouldn't be married to my (16 years my senior) husband :)