Sunday, March 1, 2009

Honest Scrap Gone Wild

I have to thank Palomino Girl (Life on the Farm) for giving me this Honest Scrap Award!

I am going to cheat a little right off by not passing this award on because I know that it has made it's rounds and well... I couldn't pick just seven.... so I encourage everyone to check out my blogroll...

Now I guess I am suppose to list "10 Honest Things"....

Hold on! It gonna get a little freaky....

1. I've always been slightly enamored with my reflection... (my mother is laughing right now at my loosely used "slightly"....) Mom used to tell people that, even though I always had an overactive imagination, I never needed an imaginary friend (so long as their was a reflective surface near by). This has been the case since I was a very small child. I am also a total ham for a camera... again, since I was a small child... So, there is a small chance I might be just a wee bit vain at times..

2. But then that admission of vanity would seem to conflict with the fact that I've always had self image issues. The ginormous size of my thighs may have something to do with that.... my disproportionate nostrils, lopsided jaw, crooked teeth, small forehead, uneven eyebrows, flabby tummy, stumpy fingers, big knees, massive calves, wide hips, etc. etc. etc... would also be an issue....

Though I have to say that I have some pretty fantastic looking ears. Seriously.... I could, like totally be an ear model!

2. I look so much like my mother that if it were not for the beehive hairdos and purple go-go dresses she wore in the sixties, you'd be hard pressed to discern who is who in pictures of us at the same age.

3. My sister and I look absolutely nothing alike. We do not share a single common feature and I am as pink as a maple cured ham next to her gorgeous glowing olive skin. She, however, looks nothing like my mother and I therefor refer to her as the "milkman's baby".... which bothers her enough that I see it as an effective means of retaliation for burning me with a curling iron 18 million times in the early 90s (while trying to help me achieve that glorious Tiffini Amber Thiesen (Saved by the Bell) fabulous flipped bang look.)

Speak of the 90's.....

4. , I watched a tremendous amount of television and movies in the 90s... Saved by the Bell, The Cosby Show, Home Improvement, Friends, Fresh Prince, Full House, My-So-Called-Life, Boy Meets World, and such classic Oscar worthy movies as "Dont tell Mom, the Babysitters Dead!" Whoop!

And speaking of movies...

5. I cant watch scary movies.... at all. I feel that Harry Potter should have earned a higher rating... they were freakin' scary man! Oh, and I had to leave in the middle of "I am Legend".... after covering my eyes for 10 minutes straight I couldnt even handle the music any longer.

Which can, at times, make me feel young. Do you know what doesnt make me feel young?......

6. I saw a guy I went to high school with the other day. I remember him as being one of those hottie jocks that wouldnt give me the time of day...back in the day. Anyways, he drove by me in the parking lot of a grocery store. Did I mention that he was driving a mini-van? And that he is balding?....And had one of those "family" stickers on the back that indicated he had three kids...

Oh yah, and by the way, it kinda freaked me out a little... I'm not old.... but damn, we sure the hell 'aint in high school anymore, Toto.

7. It actually wasnt until high school that I started listening to country music or riding western. Before that I rode English- and before that I rode bareback... because I was scared to ride with a saddle.... because I could never do the cinch up tight enough.... which meant that the saddle often slipped off.... and I soon figured out that it I was able to fall off much more gracefully and with significantly more dignity when the saddle was not hanging under the belly of my horse....

Where was I? Oh yes, country music...

8. It was a certain boy, in a certain jacked up pick up truck who convinced me that the "Country Western" route was the way to forcing me to listen to Alan Jackson's "She's Gone Country" about a hundred times...

Oh! And this song too.... which (at 16) I thought was about the coolest song ever!

As a highly impressionable 16 year old, I soon relented to peer pressure and took up memorizing every Garth Brooks and Dixie Chicks song on the radio.... which led me to discover that I had a talent for....

9. Re-writing the lyrics to morally conscious and wholesome country songs into deliciously vulgar renditions that would but Weird Al Yankovic to shame. Some of my victims included the much loved "BBQ stain T-shirt" song by Tim McGraw (which I turned into a transvestite's version) and Dixie Chick's, "I can love him better"... in to "I can *ehem* him better".... (sorry Mom).

10. Which I feel was just my subconscious creative writing side begging to be put to urge that I am now happy to report has found the constructive outlet of writing a novel.


I warned you that it might get a little freaky!!

I wouldn't blame you if you didn't come back...

But please do....


  1. Those bangs, girl, I would have loved them!! I tried, but never could get that height. She must have used an entire can of Aqua Net!! LOL!!

    And I am totally freaked out with scary movies too!! I am Legend was too much for me. I had to mute it and then fast forward during the part where they craies were invading his house!!! I just couldn't take it. I still have issues with that movie. Like at the end, where the lady and boy are driving to the save compound and all the lawns are mowed?? Strange?? And then I worry about how they are going to get everyone well again?? Do they have to catch everyon and then give them the meds?? I worry about things like that...But any whoo!!!

    Loved that song, brought back some memories, and I would love to hear one of your renditions!! LOL

  2. That song had a real catchy beat. Never heard it before but I liked it. I enjoyed that movie and also the Potter movies. I don't like the "axe man and stupid girl goes into the basement in high heel movies" Oh and at night when the power is out.

  3. Not come back?? But we love you Chelsi! Following your thought process is always so entertaining!

  4. And why I passed this award on to you! Never a boring post over here!

  5. I loved "Don't tell Mom the Baby Sitter's Dead"!

    I thought it was a perfectly entertaining movie.

    I know how you feel about scary movies but I can tolerate one if there is an interesting and plausible scientific background - and if there is good acting. Which is why I watch "I Am Legend" .

  6. ROTFL... You and I could do dueling "dirty ditties" because I have been know to come up with my own lyrics, too. And it's a lot easier to come up with lyrics for C and W music because you can actually understand the lyrics in the first place.

    Thanks for the fun post.


  7. I HaTE scary movies too! And underwater movies and underground movies!

    I'd love to hear those lyrics sometime- maybe over a glass of something in the adult beverage class...

  8. LOL Chelsi!!! I will have to come back later when I have more time, but I wanted to say that Mr. Studly (down below) is absoulutely gorgeous, and I think that you should hold onto that breeding!!!
    Just think of the possibilities!!!!

  9. Oh Chelsi, you always have the ability to make me laugh and cry and the same time. I am definetly not the writer in the family, but it has to be said that you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. You have got the most beautiful eye's that any girl would envy, and a smile that is contagious and I would die for your hair. We all got the hips honey, and we know we can thank Pops for that one! LOL.

  10. LOL! The story about seeing your 'family schoolmate' cracked me up, you hear that so often but never believe it until you see for yourself!

    Hehe I was the same, hated riding with stirrups though, I learnt to ride without them because I rode in dad's saddle that didn't have a short enough hole. When he started making me use them, I couldn't. like literally COULDN'T! My feet would come out of them, go through them etc etc. Til I was told 'you have to put a little bit of weight on them!'