Chicken Pox Scar?

Poor Katie (Melanie's daughter) has chicken pox! I sure hope that she gets through it quickly! But it actually got me thinking about my chicken pox scars. I have two...one on the back of my right hand and one on my left hip.

Do you have a chicken pox scar?

I guess "simple" is all a matter of perspective. The "simple" Math Weight Loss sounds simple to me because I've read about and tried so many complicated diets that were based on percentages or that required me to eat foods that were not a normal part of my regular diet that this seems so simple in comparison. Not to mention if you want to get really scientific and talk about raw foods, organics, trans fats, glycemic index's, etc...

Food Journals are the way to go because it keeps you accountable. It is far to easy to pick up an extra 500 calories a day just in little "stolen" drinks, snacks, and such that you forget you ate moments after having them.

A while back I wrote a post on the book "French Woman Don't Get Fat" and some of the thoughts that book suggested for a healthy lifestyle and long term outlook on food. It helped me understand why French woman are not fat! And made me better appreciate why we are! (as a society...not you personally!) I actually wonder why we are not fatter!! And I am not just talking about fast food, junk, and the "diet" industry (which actually makes us fatter), I am talking about our lifestyle, the role food plays in our life and how inactive we are as a whole.

The reason why I think this is simple is because it is basically only about eating healthy, eating small meals often, eating non-diet wholesome foods in small moderation's and keeping yourself accountable. I want to eat chocolate, every single day. It's true! If I don't get to eat chocolate on my last day on this planet I am going to pissed! lol So I account for 100 calories a day that goes towards chocolate. Its not a lot of chocolate, but its some and so I am happy. I also take one day a week that is a "free" day. The funny thing about a "free" day is that because your whole perspective on food, eating, and portions has been altered, what I now consider a "treat" and what I can put down in one meal is drastically different than what it was before.

Anyways, the "lifestyle" plan (of watching calories and your weight closely) is a little different from the "diet" portion (which I am currently on)....

Because some of us need to take a big chunk of weight off- NOW!!




Its all about the magic number 3,500.

That is how many calories in one pound. Sounds like a lot, doesnt it? I mean, that is over 6 Big Macs!!

Here is a another simple math equation that = weight loss. Lets say I weight 180 pounds.





180 x 15 (calories per day, per pound to maintain) = 2,700 calories (I need) per day to maintain my body weight





2,700 calories per day x 7 days (in a week) = 18,900 calories per week to maintain 180 pounds.





But lets say I want to loose 1 pound in a week. I need to take 3,500 calories out of my diet in a week....





18,900 - 3500 = 15,400 per week





15,400 / 7 (days in a week) = 2200 calories per day





Lets say I wanted to loose 2 pounds in a week (8 pounds a month)...





18,900 - 7000 = 11,900 / 7= 1700 calories per day





As you loose weight the calories per pound you need to maintain goes down, so you always need to recalculate if you want to loose a specific number.

And that is it. Sounds more complicated than it already is. Once you have your number worked out, the tough part comes in! Sticking with it!!

I lost over 20 pounds using this method last summer and felt great! I felt healthy! Which is the point behind making a lifestyle change! Eat healthy foods, in moderation, and watch your portions.... every. single. day, ..and eventually you will find a healthy weight!

Horse Crazy

(4 yr old, well broke blue roan mare, decent breeding, $6500)

This blog is suppose to be about the Adventures of a Horse Crazed Mind, right? Horse Crazed? That sounds about right.... Adventures of... well that part is a little lacking at the moment because, in case anyone has failed to notice, there is a marked lack of horses in my life...which makes having adventures to share a trifle difficult....

You see...

I DO NOT HAVE A FREAKIN' HORSE!!!

Okay, so that is not entirely true. I own Abby but I wont have her under my care until the Fall of 2010, for goodness sakes that hardly counts! I am going freakin' mental! Horse crazed is suppose to mean that I am crazy about horses, not that horses are driving me crazy! 'Cause right now, horses (or the lack thereof) are driving me freakin' crazy, people!!

(8 yr old, red dun mare, very well broke, Lean With Me breeding, $3000)

You see, I managed to get through the winter without a horse and without riding. I was going through a very serious funk and was having a bit of a "quarter-life-crisis" (reassessing my life and making some BIG changes) and well, I just had such a miss mash of things going on in my brain that I didn't have any room left to feel the acute lack of horses in my life. That is not entirely true, I did feel it, but it just wasn't the most important part of my suddenly scary and a little overwhelming universe. But now things are looking up...I am "getting it together", I am starting to feel in control again and like the future is a nice bright and sunny place that I want to ride into........preferably on horseback, thanks.

(2yr old, green broke, Hollywood Dun It bred mare, $1300 OBO)

Then last week I was able to go for a ride. I knew I shouldn't go, because it was going to turn that itch (that up until then I had almost been able to ignore) into an all out crazed... fevered... just-stepped-on-an-ant-hill kinda frenzied itch to get riding again... but I went, and sure enough, as result, I have been completely and totally obsessed with getting a horse again, just about every hour since.

(8 yr old, finished cattle penning mare, red dun, $5500)

Now, there is a reason why I sent Abby on a free lease and why I decided that I DID NOT need to own a horse at this stage of my life. I told myself that I'd just have to make do with lessons and the occasional trail ride with a friend....I needed to focus on other things like writing and school... I'd tell myself "in life, you cant have everything you want all the time! Get over it!" But for the past week I've been obsessed with looking at horses online. Even writing this blog has stopped being a welcome distraction. I am cant stop lamenting over the concept of owning a horse again.

(3 yr old, broke gelding, my trainer has for sale, $5000 obo)

Now... some of you might suggest that I look at other options.... I could look at a short term free lease or take 2 lessons a week....but..... (I know this is going to sound horribly spoiled) it is just not the same thing as owning your own horse! Because spending time with him/her and enjoying that bond, connecting with their "spirit" and caring for them is just as important to me as riding.

(6 yr. old well broke, decently bred cow horse mare $3800)

So there is my rant for today. I know, for a fact, that buying a horse right now is not the best option for my future. I have to stay focused on what is important in the long term...

But I want a horse.

So bad it hurts.

C'est la vie!

(GORGEOUS!!! 2 yr old filly with 10 rides, by Chex Nu Jewel $5500 sold)

*****

Btw, I am sorry I did not get back to the "Simple Math Weight Loss" post. I actually have it 90% written but have been lost in a book these past few days (that I am REALLY excited about sharing with you all) and just haven't gotten to it...and then was going to finish it this morning but needed to have my spoiled little temper tantrum instead. Tomorrow, my friends.

*****
Update:


Now you'll have me going and I have to post more of my likes!!! Keeping in mind that... IF (And that is a HUGE "IF"!!) I get another horse, I really cant afford to spend much...and that is not even my definition of "much" (which previously my definition of cheap would be 6500+) ...I am talking $2500-3000!!! .... with that being said, I absolutely believe that you get what you pay for in a horse and that you have to sacrifice certain things (breeding, age, color, reg., and "pretty" (not correct, just the pretty factor) in order to get something broke for less money. In this economy, I think I can get something decent to trail ride on and fart around in the arena with for that kind of money but I just have to keep my "taste" locked up (padlocked, double key, and barb wire)....


AND...I REALLY want to take a horse on a 30 day trial. The last thing in the world I want is a horse with "issues". No "broken wing horses" need apply!! And I just dont see how I can "try" a horse for a hour and then buy them with any kind of faith that I am getting something good. Also, with the Canadian dollar, any US horse I look at I have to figure in about 35% extra money (20 for the exchange and 15 for taxes, plus the cross border issue makes a trial much more difficult. SO, I really need to look at horses in BC that are local, something that I have NEVER done because I hate the local gossip that comes with a local horse, and the selection sucks! All of this is on top of the BIG fat IF I even get another horse, or IF, on top of everything else I want to do (NEED to do!!) I can even afford that!


So... of the above horse, not one of them is local. Here are a few local horses that are nothing I'd usually look at but have none-the-less made their way into my favorite folder because they are local and I could take either of them on trail....



A big (16H) hairy broke 10 year old grulla gelding that looks nasty in these pics but I think might actually show some promise (behind bad camera angles and a lot of hair).

9 yr old dun mare, very well broke, Poco bred, $3500


This is a nice mare, a little green but very nicely mannered that a really nice lady I know owns. She is actually WP bred and a good option for me but I just cant work up the interest in her because she is not my "type"... (turn the volume off!!)

Simple Math Weight Loss

I have battled my weight for the better half of my life. The problem is that I hate dieting and I LOVE food. Italian... French....Indian.... cakes....fruits....cheese....chocolate... *sigh* I love food.

And I actually eat really quite healthy. But the problem is that I occasionally eat just a little wee bit too much and over 3-6 months I'll put on extra ten or fifteen pounds. That is about when I will start to diet again in attempt to take that extra weight off and I always do quite well...for while.... but I'll never quite manage take off the full amount....I loose five of ten....or ten of fifteen and then maintain for while.... eventually I'll gain another ten or fifteen....take off five or ten... and so the cycle goes until over the course of a few years, I gain that extra 5 pounds 10 times and all of the sudden I've put on a whole wack load of wait ("wack" meaning big...not "wack"- the hip new (Im aging myself again, arent I?) expression for "good") and that 5 pounds has turned to 50!

But last year I discovered a little secret.... hidden deep in the rain forests of Brazil (not really)

With all the weight loss solutions that I have read about (and dare I say tried) this one actually works for me because although it may sound cliche- it actually isnt a diet at all...

And so....

The Simple Math Diet!

(I know I just said it is not a diet but just hang in there, k?)

No, you arent missing anything. No celebrities have done it, there is no gimmick or rare secret ingredients...

And....

The simple math diet is a simple. (go figure) It is a mathematical calculation based on the science of how your body works and what it needs (in caloric intake) to maintain a certain weight.

FYI- Dont worry about the "math" portion.... I royally suck at math and even I get it!

Wanna know what it is?

Well! With just 3 easy payments of $9.99 you can find out!!! But if you call now, we will make the first payment for you!!!

jk

Here it is....

The first thing you need to know is that your body needs x (a certain- yet to be determined number) amount of calories a day, per pound, to maintain your body weight.

For the average woman that number is 15.

For some of us that number could be 13 or 14 and others (you little bitches that can eat anything you want and stay skinny) that number could be 16 or higher. But on average....we're talkin 15 calories per pound of body weight.

Okay... so this is how it works.

....if you weigh....

135 pounds you need to consume no more than 2,025 calories per day to maintain that weight- (Rough and dirty.)

135 x 15 = 2,025

Ready for the simple part?

If it takes roughly 2,000 calories to maintain 135 pounds-

than if I were to eat 2,000 calories a day, every single day, (given that I was getting some exercise and eating a balanced diet) eventually I would weigh 135 pounds!

It might take a year for someone who weighs 210 pounds to get to that weight, or a just a few months for someone who weighs 150... but so long as you are eating 2,000 calories a (every single day, 365 days a year), eventually, you will end up at 135 pounds.

Here is the catch... (you knew there was one coming didnt you?)

You cant eat the 2000 calories in one meal.

You need to eat 3 healthy meals plus 3 snacks a day.

You need to get some exercise, even if it is just a half hour walk.

You need to eat healthily and regularly (every two hours)

You need to keep track by writing down and calculating everything you eat....this is the toughest one for most people but there are tons of websites and little pocket sized books you can get with nutritional information and eventually it becomes really easy! Staying accountable is key.

Obviously there is a hell of a lot more to nutrition, dieting, and a healthy lifestyle and this "diet" is overly simplistic (you could calculate what percentage portion of your diet comes from fat, carbs, protein etc..) but I find just keeping track, counting calories and trying to resist the "fat" culture around me hard enough as it is. I try to eat protein with every meal, keep the fat down, the simple sugars and refined carbos to a minimum and a eat some fruits and veggies too! Take a complete multi-vitamin and I think I'll be ahead of the game- if not quite the all star player!

When you reach a healthy body weight you dont need to write it all down anymore but then it becomes key to monitor your weight and go back to writing down and counting calories if you gain even just two extra pounds.

And obviously, life stuff happens and you sometimes have occasion to eat more than your 2000 calories! So long as you keep track, you just have to subtract your excess calories from the calorie allotment in the next few days.

Lets say its your friends birthday and you ate 3500 calories instead of 2000... well then you'd eat 1500 calories for the next three days and make up the extra calories. When you stay accountable, you can make it work! Writing things down and counting calories is hard but sometimes it takes the guess work out of eating and gives you the confidence of knowing that you ARE loosing weight!

Here is an example of a moderately healthy (normal food) 2000 calorie day and the way I count down the calories I have eaten and what I have left:

Starting with 2000

3/4 cup whole grain cereal 120 / 1880 (left)

3/4 cup 1% milk 80 / 1800

tea with two sugar 30 1/8 c milk 20 / 50/1750

yogurt 80/1670

2 pieces multi grain bread 210 / 1460

1tbsp mayo 50 / 1410

2 slices of turkey 180 / 1230

lettuce tomato cucumber 30 / 1200

1 oz cheese 100 / 1100

1 cup milk 110 / 990

carrots and an apple 100 /890

8 oz V8 (veggie juice) 50/ 840

1 boneless skinless chicken breast 250/ 590

bread crumbs (shake n bake) 100/490

1/2 c baked sweet potato 100/ 390

3 cups raw spinach stewed with 1tbsp butter 150 /240

1 cup milk 110/130

100 calorie chocolate bar :) 100/ 30

= 1970 calorie day.

But wait, there's more! Tomorrow!

The above pic are of Abby taken this past week by the lady who has her on a free lease. More exciting news about Abby tomorrow!

Valentine...shmalentine

I am a hopeless romantic... utterly and entirely hopeless, gushy, pet-name-cooing, say-I-love-you-eighteen-times-a-day, snuggle puss... romantic. And I don't give a flying monkeys butt about Valentines Day! Weird huh?

Maybe I have a reason to not care about it!.... Hold on...its about to get all sickly sweet and ewey gooey.....

My DB and I celebrate Valentines Day, ever. Single. Day.... we love and cherish each other, bring home little tokens of affection, make heart shaped pancakes on any given Sunday and I bring him breakfast in bed just about every morning ...its enough to make some people sick! While all of those things are true, they are not why I dont care about Valentines.... because I ecstatically embrace any occasion that gives me an excuse to eat chocolate first thing in the morning! (which I did this morning... thank you very much!)

I guess this aversion to the holiday is a result of years of social imprinting and trauma inflicted by year after year of elementary school Valentine giving! I remember how we'd decorate the classroom with construction paper hearts and make little paper mache Valentine collection baskets to hang on our desk fronts.....which was all fun.... I was big on arts and crafts ...but then as the day would near I'd grow increasingly anxious....because back in the day (I'm aging myself, aren't I?) we didn't have any of this "every ones a winner" "you have to bring a Valentine for everyone in the class business"... in my day everyone would be watching to see how full your basket (the ultimate popularity contest) .....which is why I'd spend the week before the "big day" in dread of the moment where everyone in the class would see that I hadn't receive a single Valentine! Or that my little basket would hang pathetically... with only one or two little brightly colored cards from my fellow geeky classmates...while some other girl would have her basket filled to the brim and everyone would know that she was like totally popular!...

I might have.... just might have....been a wee bit insecure as a child...

But I am totally over that now!....

like...

totally.

Because I was lucky enough to secure a 24/7... 365 day a year Valentine!

Oh who am I kidding....

I just cant seem to suppress that ingrained fear that on Valentines I will be deemed a geek.... a loser... a friendless wannabee....a lonely Valentine....

*sigh*

Okay... I maybe have been a little over dramatic! I could just say... HAPPY VALENTINES my good blogger friends!! And send out a special Valentines wish to anyone out there that feels that today is simply another Saturday.... hoping that this year blesses you with true love....

That is just what I shall do.....

HAPPY VALENTINES!!!

PS... to my Valentine....my darling DB..... I love you. *smooooooooooch*

Fear in the Saddle

(see below to figure out why in the heck we need a little Copperhead Road in this post!)

Oregonsunshine wrote:

"I'm stuck at step 3. Can't seem to move forward from there. But, I think I'm my own worst enemy. I'm fine on the ground, not so fine on a horse's back. Do you mind addressing that a bit more, please?"

I will sure try!

I think that what you might need to focus on a little bit of Step 3- Define your fear and a little bit of Step 6- Set yourself up for success!

I suggest that because if you understand where you fear lies you can try to find a solution or a tool to help you face it. What specifically are you scared of? Are you scared that your horse is going to buck? rear? bolt? Are you scared that you are going to fall off? Break down your fear and understand specifically what it is you think is going to go wrong and then try to find a tool that can help you face it with greater confidence.

Tools don't always have to be straight forward like carrots sticks or a specific clinician's method....

Think outside the box!

If I were say...scared of getting bucked off, I'd ask myself, "How can I arm myself to deal with that possibility?"

I could go to a martial arts class and take tumbling lessons or take a few lessons with a vaulting club and practise falling off a dummy horse on to safety pads. People fall off of horses all the time without getting hurt! You can actually learn to do it really well! Knowing how to fall, tuck, roll and relax while falling will give you more confidence in the saddle because you will be prepared for the worst case scenario!


Maybe you could check out and see if there are any mechanical bulls in your area or set up a rope dummy practice bull and have someone help you with that. Learn how to ride out a buck. Make or buy a balance tool and practice with it for a half hour while watching TV.

(balance board)

The point is to set yourself up for success! Think outside the box and think of step 8- Time is on your side! Some of these ideas might seem like a stretch but why not take the initiative, get out there and arm yourself with as much ammunition as you can!

Riding horses requires balance, coordination, core strength, and overall physical strength as well. Working on the muscles and balance you need to ride, on the ground before you get in the saddle, will most certainly improve your confidence under saddle because it will make you feel strong!

I actually started doing Yoga (at home DVD) after I started riding again and found it made a big difference in how strong and balanced I felt under saddle.

Nothing will eliminate that fear but you can collect tools to help you feel that you can handle whatever comes your way.

You might also want to haul your butt back to Step 2- (I will not handle insane horses) and only ride horses that don't have a tendency to buck for a while.

When I started the transition from only working on the ground to riding I found that my confidence in the saddle had deteriorated partially from my fears of getting hurt and partially because I had been out of the saddle for so long that I didnt feel like I was going to be able to stay coordinated enough to ride effectively.

All too often we avoid doing what we are scared of for as long as possible and so when we finally face our fears we are ill equipped to deal with them. For me this meant I needed to go out and take lessons on a Steady Eddie schooling horse to regain my strength, coordination, balance, rhythm, feel, hands, set, legs, etc. etc. etc.!!!! I had lost it all! But I found them again on a big slow sorrel quarter horse gelding named Slyder. It took a lot of time on his back, a lot of frustrated tears and sore asses to get back to the point where I felt any confidence it all under saddle. I needed a horse like Slyder because I needed to focus on myself and what I was doing without the distraction of my horses problems. Once I was solid again, I could ride Shaunti and give him my full attention, knowing that my legs, hands and seat would take care of themselves.

I hope that gave you a few ideas. I think a lot of us get hung up on our own expectations of what we should be doing rather than just admitting our own limitations and working through the baby steps. I wanted to be able to just get on Shaunti and lope off and it really, deeply and profoundly bothered me that I didn't have the confidence to do that. I beat myself up for it many times. But I had to deal with what is (was). So I forced myself to set small goals, like just getting on and then getting off as many times as I needed until I felt comfortable with that. The funny thing is that most of the time, if I set my goal low, it didn't take me nearly as long to get through it than if I set big ones.... Like when I first started I'd get really nervous about the idea of getting on...so rather than force myself to get on and ride, I set my sights low and just mounting and dismount in the same motion... it was so simple I get off and think, "Wow, that was easy!" And so the next time I was able to hop on, sit there for a few minutes and get off and think, "Wow, that was easy!" ....but when I would set out to ride with some grandiose plan of how I was going to leave the arena for the first time and ride around the neighborhood, I'd get to the end of the driveway and think, "Holy crap! Holy Crap! I'm going to die! and I'd abandon ship and feel defeated rather than empowered!

That is not to say that you dont have to push! But give yourself a break, for goodness sake! Its just riding! It's suppose to be fun! No one is going to come out and beat you with a stick if you dont lope your horse or ride the neighborhood! Whenever I get stressed about all the things that I think I should be doing...I say to myself a very naughty and very vulgar expression that sets everything back into perspective.

F' the F'ing F'ers! F'it!
Sorry, Mom.....really....sorry.... but it's true! And it helps. I am a lady... most of the time.

Don't you think that we take ourselves just a wee bit to seriously sometimes!? Have fun and do what makes you happy! The rest will come in time.



(Little Goodbyes Shedaisy)

Oh...one more thing! Another trick I had that really, really helped me get in the right head set before stepping foot in the barn..... music! Find a CD that makes you feel really jacked up and ballsy! Something with an edge! Pushing through your fears is not place for Sarah McClochlan people! I nearly wore out my Steve Earl Copperhead Road CD for all the times I played it while sitting in my truck outside the barn. Kanye's "Gold Digger" too!

Final Steps- The Secret

I've been holding out on you! There is the dark secret to this whole "program" deal....one I hoped to avoid.... but there is no hope! It needs to come out....

Here it is....

There is nothing easy or simple about getting over an unreasonable fear of horses.

There is no easy fix.

This program wont help...much.

It is damn hard! Ultimately, when you meet your fear, eye to eye, there isn't much that can help you stare it down besides the absolute and sure belief that horses are worth it.

You have to make a touch decision and ask yourself if your desire to ride, or to do a specific sport, or even own horses is important enough- if you get enough from it to justify the inherent danger and risks you put yourself in when handling or riding them. Are you willing to put in the time, energy and money? The blood, sweat and tears?

If the answer is no, stay home. It is not worth the risk, the effort or the pain if you are pushing yourself out of pure ego, or stubbornness.

It was hard enough to sit on a horse, terrified to the point of tears, yet still willing to cluck him forward when you are decided on that question...it would be near impossible if you were not.

If you are going to walk through the fire, or swim through the shark infested waters, you'd bloody well be cock sure that there is something waiting for you on the other side!

If the answer is "Yes, they're worth it!" - then you need to face your fear head on, armed for bear, and PUSH!

Step 8- Push!! wh00-wh00-wh00- PUSH! wh00-whoo-whoo!!

(that is my pathetic attempt to imitate Lamaze breathing)

Push against your fear! PUSH past your fear! PUSH yourself! You are going to have to fight for it! You are going to be scared! You are going to want to give up! You might get hurt! You will have set backs! You are going to need to adopt a little Nike and "Just do it" or a little cowgirl and "Cowgirl up" or a little redneck and "Get'r'done!"!!

It is not easy but I believe it is possible. You just have to want it enough. And these steps helped me get there by giving me a game plan... I still I had to fight the war, (my fear), but having a plan, tools, help, baby steps, strategies... they helped me get there. I hope that by writing about them this past few weeks, they might help someone else one day!

The last two steps are easy ones....

Step 9- Reward the Try!

How many times have we heard a trainer or clinician say "reward the try"? I have, many times. Just like so many things in life, what we do for horses, we should also do for ourselves. Like buy a new pair of shoes and a get pedicure every six weeks! Exercise, take a nap in sun, cut back on the grain, and use a fence post to scratch your ass!! Right? Right. Where was I?

Reward the try in yourself. I needed to learn to say, "I am proud of myself" for doing something as simple as mounting my horse and sitting there for a minute before getting off. That was a big step for me. I could have felt like a chump and called myself a big baby! But instead I had to recognize that I tried and reward myself for it (chocolate is a good reward, right? *wink*).

I was scared but I did it anyways. And I did it again, and again, and again. I deserved to be proud of myself for that. I received encouragement from my friends and family, for which I am very thankful, but ultimately I needed to reward myself, and my spirit, for trying just as much as for my successes.

Which brings us to the final step. Remember in Step 3, when I said that I had to define success so that I could know when I had finally reached it? So that I didn't just keep pushing past my goals without stopping to acknowledge how far I had come?

Well, way back when I defined my success! Want to know what it was? I wanted to have fun on a horse again. Fun. Joy. Happiness. Love. Comfort. Contentment. Elation. Fun.

What is the point, if not for that?

Step 10- Remember why.

Remember why you love horses....Why you are trying.... Why you must succeed! Use this step as motivation to get through all the others.

This isn't the last step, it is the first and only one that really matters. This is what is going to get you through the greatest challenges. This is the motivation, the light at the end of the tunnel...this is hope.

Why would I ride horses, if not for the love and reverence that their fleet limbs and heart inspires within my own? If not for the bond that fuses me to him- so that when he runs, pure of mind and ardor, our spirits run together? If not for those heavenly moments wherein there is no definition between where my body ends and his begins? For the awe of their beauty or for the solace I've found in the touch of a downy muzzle against tear streaked cheek? Horses are for me, absolutely worth any risk their infinite strength or lightening fast reflexes present. To feel that magic is one of the greatest joys in my life...a joy I lost for a little while but thankfully found again. My hope is that on my last day, and on many days in between, I will have been touched by that magic- by a horse.

Steps 6 and 7

This 10 Step series has just two more segments and then we shall leave it behind... forever and ever... promise.

First, I must interrupt this post with an important announcement.

I rode today.

As in a real live horse.

Not the kind that takes quarters.

(this one looks just like the one outside the grocery story when I was a little girl! I LOVED it!)

Thank you, Barbie! For letting me take Sage for a ride! You're the best! But you also know what this means right? Yah.... you know! You know.

On with "the program"....

Each greater concept we set out to achieve with our horses, whether that be teaching them to stand quietly for mounting or achieving a 20 foot sliding stop, can be broken down into smaller and more manageable steps...just like overcoming a fear of horses!


Many of the steps I used to successfully overcome my fear of horses are the same steps that I would use to train my horse to overcome his!


Just as I would set my horse up for success, I needed to set myself up for success!


If my objective had been to train my horse to load in a trailer, I wouldn't have just walked him up to a trailer and expected him to jump in! (dont we wish) I would consider what tools I needed to get my horse in the trailer and make sure I had them handy before I went to do any loading.... I'd make sure my horse gave to pressure, that he lead well, that I could send him forward, move his hip or shoulder etc. I also might have practiced smaller challenges like sending him between two barrels or asking him to step on to a box before we headed off to the big dark horse eating tomb we call trailers.


Well the same applies us!

Once I had Shaunti at home I would sometimes take a little cue card to the barn with me and on it I would have a challenge or task for that day. Before I did anything with him I would go to the arena and make sure I was set up for that task. Only then would I get my horse, take him to the arena and go about sending him through or over the obstacles I had set up. When I had accomplished my objective or overcome a challenge, I would often go back to a previous challenge (one that we had already mastered) and finished the day on a good note.


I remember one day specifically where my goal was to simply take Shaunti from his stall to the arena and back again. That was it! But before I went and got him I made sure that there was no horse eating monsters hanging about, I checked to make sure the arena door was open and not ready to blow open and bang against the side at an inopportune time, I turned the lights on, and .... as cheesy as it might sound.... I very often visualized how I wanted things to go, how simple it would be and how calm, cool and collected I would be doing it! I also visualized myself doing so as 5'10 and skinny.... but that's beside the point. I set myself up for success. Of course there are no guarantees in life but I wanted to stack the deck in my favor!


Step 6: SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS!!

Make sure that you have given yourself the best opportunity possible to succeed by planning ahead and keeping your task simple (and remember- just one baby step outside of your comfort zone).

Step seven is simple- Time is on your side.




The more time you can spend with your horse, the better. One of DB's favorite expression is "You gotta pay to play!" You have to put in the time to reap the rewards. With each and every hour I spent with my horse, so long as I stuck to the rules (playing safe, learning, putting my new tools to a practical and clearly defined use, staying just a tiny bit outside of my comfort zone, and setting myself up for success) I gained confidence. Time is on your side. Use it.

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I found the pics in this post from this site! They are beautiful! Check it out.

Steps 5- Baby Steps

My 10 Step "I am scared of horses" Recovery Program is based on my personal journey- on both what I did to overcome my fear as well as what, in retrospect, I wish I had done differenly. Up until now all of the steps that we have covered where ones that I took consciously at the time- whereas the steps going forward are based on a few simple principles that I learned through trial and error and am just now able to reflect on and put to words.

Which leads us to....

Step 5: Baby Steps

Do you remember how in Step 4 we defined your comfort zone? Well, now its time to put it to use!

In my case, it was not until the first ten minutes of my clinic with Shaunti last November that I was able to establish any comfort zone at all while I had a horse in hand (on a line or lead rope)...

At the beginning of the clinic I was given a new tool (a carrot stick) and a task (see below) that allowed me to find a narrow little comfort zone wherein I actually feel confident while having a horse on line. The simple task I was given was both easily accomplished and surprisingly effective....

This was an exercise wherein everyone in the clinic was told to draw a hoola hoop size circle in the sand around our feet and then pace off about six paces and draw another large circle about twice the width of your horse and one and a half lengths as long. That looked something like this:

(These drawings are for all of you that were under the mistaken impression that I was some kind of artist!)

We were then told to go and get our horses (there were 10 or 12 of us in this clinic) and when we came back were were suppose to stand in our little circle and, without taking a step out of your own space and by using only your stick or body language- get your horse into his circle. So I fetched Shaunti from his stall (heart racing, legs shakin' and cold sweat on my brow terrified but determined that I could at least get my horse from the stall to the arena.... though secretly wanting to run home and hide my head under the bed...) But I managed to get there and back in one piece .....and afterall I was armed with a shiney new carrot stick and a fancy rope halter!

Anyways, we were told that the trick was to, at the moment your horse stepped foot in that circle, even if it was to pass through it, drop your stick, drop the line (gave it a lot of slack) and go quiet (let your body go limp) ...once he had passed through the circle or outside of the lines, you were to pick back up your stick, your line, and your energy and try to redirect him back to the circle. Once your horse was standing with all fours inside that circle, we were ignore him completely- unless he moved a foot out of their circle.

So we all did our best, some better than others but within 10 minutes every single horse in our clinic was standing within their circle. Some pawed, some called to their buddies and some went to sleep, but not one of them moved from their allotted space. It was like magic. The key was not that they recognized the little circle drawn in the sand...as a matter of fact, most of our circles had been smudged beyond recognition by that point, it was that we (I) had stopped moving and stopped exerting even the tiniest bit of pressure on our horses (so long as they stood where we told them to stand)...and as such the horses had learned that there was a magic little sweet spot wherein they could turn us off! Not visa versa!

Until that moment I had no idea how acutely horses read our body energy and actions as pressure. It was nearly impossible for some of us not to nit pick or over correct our horses- to just leave them alone and make our bodies go quiet as we had expected our horses too. What I found was my first tenuous foothold of a comfort zone- on which I hoped to build.

What I also began to notice was how important it was that as soon as we understood the concept of a technique, we were given a task which allowed us to practice using our new tool. Whether you call them drills, patterns or challenges, the central concept remains the same- you need an objective! Both you and your horse need a purpose behind what you are doing so that you can direct your mind and use your tool with a specific objective in mind- whether that be sending him through two barrels or loading him in a trailer...

So what does this have to do with "Baby Steps"... well... the task that I was given was simple, clear, direct, and just outside of my comfort zone. If that first task I was given was to get on our horses and ride them around a barrel pattern, I'd have been lost! If it had been to make your horse walk quietly beside you at a walk, I'd have been lost. As it was I was scared and nervous about the task that I was given but luckily it was just..... just within my reach....by gaining that foothold I was able to establish a small comfort zone on which to build. I learned to use that comfort zone as a protective bubble wihin which I felt safe, confident and in control.... a place that I could come back to when things got rough.

Having that bubble gave me the confidence I needed to step out of my comfort zone, maybe one step....a baby step, but a step!...in order to face the next challenge with the confidence of having my back up bubble standing by just in case. With each challenge I met, my bubble of confidence expanded...so that it eventually included handling my horse in the arena, sending him through obsticles, walking him to and from the arena , standing in his stall to brush him, etc..

What took me a little while to understand was that I needed to take baby steps, tasks that were well within the reach of my bubble so that if I stepped out and took on a challenge that proved to be too much, if things got out of hand or I felt too threatened, I could quickly and easily step back into my bubble, pick up a tool that I had already mastered, and step back armed and ready with a new game plan....

Which brings us to....

Step 6 and 7... tomorrow!

Step Four- Define your Fear, Comfort Zone and Success

I figured that I would keep with my early 90's theme songs (Top Gun's Danger Zone being yesterdays) and pick up another classic, Free Your Mind by EnVogue.

Today's post is all about "Free your mind, and the rest will fallow!" I love the scene in the 1994 movie The Cowboy Way (with Woody Harrelson and Kiefer Sutherland) where this song is playing during a scene where these two ruff necks are at some high fluten' fashion show! Oh, and I totally want to play "Big Chief" too!

*ehem*

First, I think that we just have to, for the sake of moving forward, leave the Parelli/carrot stick conversation for another day. I promise that I will do a Parelli post and that we can have a rip roaring conversation about it one day soon! Actually, I am looking forward to it... I have a feeling it will be an all out smack down and I love a good girl fight! (not the pillows, feathers, and underwear male fantasy kinda thing...nor the jello or mud in a bikini's either.... ..promise!)

*ehem* (again! Sorry...just havin' one of those days)

Step Four is about addressing the spiritual and mental side of your fears. I am the kind of rider (and person) who is very much stuck in their own head. I am my own worst enemy that way because I can think things to death...and then beat on them for a while. I mull on an issue for so long that it can become distorted and hard to define....So, when I was trying to overcome my fear of horses, it was important that I break things down and look at each fears specifically in order to prevent them from getting all balled up inside of me and overwhelm my ability to physically and actively work through them.

In other words, It is gut check time!

The first part of Step Four is- DEFINE YOUR FEAR

This meant that I had to look at each and every single bad experience I'd ever had and try to understand WHY it happened. What went wrong? What could I have done differently? Sometimes there are no answers, and I had to accept that too. But understanding what has happened, looking it in the eye and finding the common thread is critical in determining how you can resolve that issue going forward. For me, that meant acknowledging that I had been handling the wrong horses. My eyes were bigger than my stomach, so to speak.

For you, that might have been that you didn't have the tools to be safe or that you put yourself in a dangerous situation.... Maybe you pushed your horse too far or asked him for too much, maybe you did nothing wrong but things went bad anyways. Either way, looking at and understanding what happened will focus your fear and narrow it to a specific issue.

This knowledge allows us to move forward in the next part of Step Four- DEFINE YOUR COMFORT ZONE

This comfort zone is going to be the foundation of everything you do going forward. You need to find one single starting point at which you feel safe, and from which you can move forward. For some this might be standing outside your horses stall door and for others it might be standing beside your tacked and ready to mount horse. Some might not even make it to the barn before they begin to feel weary. I've been there. Either way, you need to figure out where it is around or with horses that you feel safe.

In my case, that comfort zone was a place where I could see my horse and where I could protect my personal bubble. I didn't like a horse being out of my sight line- where I couldn't anticipate a problem. I didn't like a horse standing beside me or being near enough to strike me. I felt comfortable when a horse was 8 feet in front of me and I had a stick in my hand.


The last part of Step Four is- DEFINING SUCCESS

What is success FOR YOU? Each of us has different goals and ambitions when it comes to our relationship with horses. If you don't know where you are going, how do you ever expect to get there!? What do want your relationship with horses to be? Do you want to be that ubber confident professional horse trainer- starting colts and riding 'stangs! Or do you just want to be able to go out on a leisurely trail ride? Do you just want to be able to take your horses out to local shows? Or just handle them safely as pasture pets in your back yard?

Know your goal, so that you can work towards and it and, of course, so that you will know when you have found success!

I feel it is important to note, once again, how CRITICAL it is that you are handling and riding the right horse. Everything going forward is based on the premise that you are handling a horse that matches your ability and who is suited towards helping you overcome your fears.

Step Three- GET HELP!

Well, this is the point in my 10 Step "I am scared of horses" Recovery Program" where we need to focus on developing some confidence again. The object of this program was not for me to eliminate all of my fear....because that fear is a natural and primal instinct designed to keep me safe! No, the object was to build confidence and allow that confidence to temper the kind of fear that was disabling me from handling horses effectively and safely..... To find the balance between a healthy level of fear and a healthy level of confidence.

What I found was that the only way to develop CONFIDENCE was to get CONTROL.

Repeat after me (You don't really have too....I understand if you dont.... :)

CONTROL EQUALS CONFIDENCE.

So how do we gain control? By learning new TOOLS. By tools I mean methods, techniques, and specific directions on how to handle and control your horse safely.

And how do we learn new tools? By taking lessons, going to clinics, reading books, watching DVDs, mentoring with a friend, or by taking whatever helping hand you can find.

So.... Step Three is- GET HELP!

The most important thing I learned by going to that clinic with Shaunit was that TOOLS, no matter what form or package they come in, are always a 'good thing'. (Martha Stewart agrees.) I went looking for tools in the very place I had least expected to find them.... I had a Parelli prejudice and no interest in playing games, carrot sticks or teaching my horse "tricks".

What I quickly learned, in the first hour of the clinic, was two very important things....

First, that Level 1 (of my ex parelli guru's program) just happened to give me the most important tool I needed! Which was the ability to send away and set my horse in a specific spot and have him stay there! This little trick was exactly what the doctor ordered because it meant that I could send or set Shaunti as far away from me as I needed in order to make myself feel comfortable and safe.

The second thing I learned was that.....carrot sticks ROCK!

This fancy dancy little tool (literally speaking this time) was my very own Star Wars style lightsaper with which I could battle the dark side! ... sorry... I took it one step too far again, didnt I? ....

Now in actuality, a carrot stick doesn't provide much protection at all from a 1000 pound animal... but it does give you the means to control your horse's body at a distance! -Away from the danger zone!! (saying that always makes me think of the movie Top Gun and the song Danger Zone...yah, I know...I'm weird)

Now, I am not saying that everyone needs a "carrot stick" in order to overcome their fears! Not at all. The carrot stick just a tool that I learned to use while I was getting help! What is important is that I was willing to try anything, even something as wacky doodle as a carrot stick.

Which brings me back to the third post of this blog.... "I own a Stick" July 14, 2008

Here is part of it (slightly revised)....

Okay, so.....I own a stick. It is not orange. Mine is black with a fancy white string at the end. I had a few color options at the time of purchase- I went with the most inconspicuous. I have a carrot stick bias. For those who don't follow the Lords of our sport, the Gurus, the Gods, let me explain the carrot stick.

There is a natural horsemanship clinician that some would call THE God of all things natural, Pat Parelli. In truth, the methods he sells have been around since before he was born- used by rough neck cowboys and clinicians, real men that drank whiskey straight, ate their steak raw and smoked a pack a day! But what Parelli did- that they didnt-was package up his methods in shiny black boxes filled with 8 DVDs and sell them for over $200 a pop. They didn't come up with graduated level systems, must have gadgets, ropes and saddles, special academies or clubs...etc. He actually had the nerve to make ground work games! Games!!!

You see, Parelli is is a marketing genius. I am sure he has done really well for himself, which would be the first strike against him- he actually made money! What a sell out! His demographic is largely comprised of 40+ women that had horses in their youth but were too busy raising babies for the past 20 years to pursue a sport of their own. They are scared of horses and don't know how to handle them safely. The want to be friends with their horses. Its all that lovey, dovey, one with nature, granola stuff that the baby boomers famously eat up like hot cakes. And Pat Parelli- he is their GOD.

I don't follow Parelli. I thought that the Parelli hens were nuts. Their horses, crazy. Their methods, dangerous. They all carry around this thing they call a carrot stick, a bright orange 4 foot long piece of heavy plastic resembling a fishing rod with a rope of about six feet or so attached to the end. They use this stick to do their games. I didn't get it. I poked fun- as did all the REAL horse people. I wouldn't be caught dead with one.

I own a "horsemanship stick". Its black. Did I mention that it is not a carrot stick? Why do I have one? Because I am scared of horses! And all the other real horsemen are mean people that force you to "cowgirl up" and just go "get'r done", buck up, suck up...all without the benefit of a brightly colored stick to defend yourself with. Or so it seemed... in my eyes. I was desperate. A trainer that was once a "Certified Parelli Level Three Instructor" was holding a clinic and I signed up. He didn't have games. Bonus! He did have levels and an item for sale that conspicuously resembled a carrot stick but came in every color under the rainbow BUT orange. I found this highly suspicious.

The first day of the clinic, I found myself standing with a 'horsemanship stick' in my hands. For the next 3 months I didn't let go. It was a crutch, soother, baby blanket, whatever you want to call it but I LOVED that thing like I have never loved something inanimate in my life. It gave me power!

When I combined this fancy new tool with the body control techniques I learned that first day of the clinic- I gained the first tenuous foothold in my long climb to feeling confident with horses again. Whether your fear lies on the ground or up in the saddle, your ability to feel confident relies on being your ability to be in control of your horse... when you are in control, confidence comes easy.

Step Four tomorrow!

***** Thank you all for your comments on yesterdays post. Your support is, as always, greatly appreciated.*****