Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A song that speaks to me...

Please excuse the advertisement before the video. Jewel is speaking to me tonight, not so much in words, other than the "you may call me foolish" part :) but in her tone and emotion. Thank you all, once again for you comments. I need time, so I am going to take it. I am looking into other options and am trying to give him my best shot. One of the comments made by my friend, Browneyed Cowgirls, keeps pulling at my heart strings and taking my mind away from my own feelings and concerns. Her words, "Bless his damaged heart, he has nothing left to give..." were a reminder that there is a soul in that horse, that thinks and feels, and deserves to be considered in his own right. I know what to do. But my heart simply refuses to accept it. I simply cant. I simply must. There is nothing simple about this at all.


  1. Listen to Kelly Clarkson's "Beautiful Disaster." Probably in the same vein.

    I have no doubt you will choose the right path. When you make decisions from the standpoint of love, you always do. I will pray for you.

  2. I just found your blog.

    My heart breaks for you.

    I have not been there with a dangerous horse, but I have with dogs. It is never easy. I knew with the first one, it was time and I had to do it. Yet, I waited. We had another incident and I knew I would not be able to place her. But *I* was not ready yet. When the day finally came that I could wait no longer, I was a mess. I cried my eyes out before, during and after. I have always wondered if I could have done something more, something different, somehow made a crucial difference that would have turned her around. I know in my head that would not happen, but the scars on my heart will never go away and the uncertainty still lingers.

    Sometimes the damage caused by previous history simply cannot be undone. I now have another little dog at my house that will be euthanized should anything happen to me and my youngest daughter not be able to take him. He is fine with me, and with her, but the damage to this lovely dog makes him untrustworthy with others and if something should happen to me, I would never want to see him go through what others might do to him.

    I am so sorry for you.

  3. Oh I am so sorry for the battle you are fighting! I think it comes down to the "Bad boy syndrome" We as women want to be able to "fix" and make things better. Especially the Bad Boys. The one no one wants, or thought wouldn't make a horse. Hopeless cases, in need of someone to give them a chance. I stand behind whatever you decide, but please becareful. You are worth so much more than what your horse gives you. There might be another horse out there that needs a chance, that is willing to give back.

  4. I feel fortunate that I got out of my dangerous the way I did and did not have to make the decisions you are faced with.

    But it still seems like you are doing well, and staying strong - they back and forth you're having now is completely normal so do worry too much about it.

    I know what it's like to care for a horse and offer him so much only have him give back nothing, only mine did not suffer any abuse what so ever in his earlier years. I bought him as an early two year old off the range and i swear I he had it in him from them to be rotten. I still loved him but was relieved when he finally went away to the only person skilled enough to take him. No horse has ever frustrated me more or caused me more heart ache than him.

    Even today I know the end of the road for him my lay in a bucking shoot. But for now he has one last chance with my trainer to be a riding horse.

  5. Leah- Beautiful Disaster- yah! Thank you. I need to let this go now and let time take me where it will.

    Holly- I am sorry you had to come over to my blog at such a low point, but welcome anyways! Thanks for your comments. I think that all animal owners are faced with these things at some point. It is always a challenge.

    Train-Wow, you hit the nail on the head there. It is not so much the "bad boy", it is the hurt and damaged animals, the needy ones, that steal my heart. As much as I love horses, I have to put people's safety before their needs. That is sad, but the responsible way of looking at it. Thank you.

    Stephanie- I have seen horses like the one you are talking about. I have seen ones that are born crazy, or stupid or that never accept work. It really sucks when you get one:) Sounds like you did the right thing. As a young horse, he had a future in front of him, so you gave him the best shot you could.