I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet." (-Adele)
When I sat down to write this evening I was completely unaware that I would be just three days shy of the one year anniversary of my last post. It would seem the long dark and rainy evenings of Fall put me in a contemplative mood.
What has happened in a year? Looking back at that post I cant help but picture myself sitting at this very desk, in front of this very computer and at my feet may have been our lovely miniature Australian Shepherd, Hunter. If you had told me then, that in just ten days, he would be gone from our lives forever, I would have been grateful... for forewarned is forearmed and I would have liked to have armed my heart against the regret that followed. Hunter was always apart of our family (he was my Mom's dog) but didnt come to live with us full time until shortly before we lost Hawk. Hunter lived for DB. He was his friend and constant companion. I loved Hunter but I also resented him. Because he lived and Hawk died. And I was left with a dog in my home who loved me but lived for someone else. Hunter would not great me at the door. He would not sleep with me or lay my feet. He had his person and I was not it. I mourned the loss of Hawky so deeply that I closed my mind and heart to Hunter, the unique love he had to offer. When I found out that Hunter had passed, that he was gone from this world forever; that I would never again see his adorable little nubbin tail madly twitching in glee; that I would never again see his keen eyes light up when a bunny hopped across the lawn; I experienced a keen and crushing sense of regret. No, Hunter didnt live for me. But when he was scared he didnt go to DB. When the thunder rumbled and his body quaked in fear, it was me he sought. It was me he trusted in. I did take the gift of his love, I held it up in comparison to that which I had with Hawk, and found it lacking. And in doing so missed the chance to love, unreservedly a good dog.
The love and companionship of a good dog has been, and will hopefully always be, one of the greatest joys of my life. I dont have kids. I dont want kids. I want dogs. Dogs make me smile every day. Their exuberance for life, their unquestioning loyalty, their kindness and sensitivity and their limitless capacity to love and forgive is a constant counterweight to the darkness and negativity of this world. To love such good dogs comes a price- heartbreak. Dogs are not cheap. They come at great expense. But they are worth every. single. penny.
And so, December, January and February passed and we lived in a house that was still our home (for it was filled with the memories of our past dogs, TK, Kita, Hawk, Cicsco and Hunter) but nonethelsess, far too empty.
On March 3rd, 2016 I picked up Ringo from the airport. He is a six and a half year old Border Collie and he is pure love. He is the sweetest, kindest, most gentle and adoring dog this side of heaven. And I have blogging to thank for him! In a fellow blogger I found a new and trusted friend, I found an excellent home for beloved horses and through her connections I found Ringo.
The story of my Ringo, another day.
The story of our new puppies, also, another day.
I hope all (or any!) of you still out there in bloggerland are well. Hello!