Monday, December 22, 2008

"Is there a problem officer?" that is not really how it went. But let me put it to you this way, when you cross the border from the US into Canada, and the Customs Official (who, btw, have more power than cops) asks you if you are bringing any guns, drugs or illegal contraband into Canada.... and you look up at him with your cheeks blushing fiercely, bat the eye lashes of your innocent big blue eyes and reply, "Why no, officer!.... just some cooled equine semen"... be sure to clarify and use the term "HORSE" rather than equine.... Because, apparently "equine" can sound a lot like "mine" to a border guard taken off.......guard...!!! It was rather interesting to watch his face turn three shades of red before he shouted, "You have WHAT!!!"

How would I know? Because I've been there. "Yes, I said "semen".... this big blue canister strapped into the seat beside me really does contain 2 straws of horse semen and some liquid nitrogen...any questions?..... Well, no, you cant open it. Or rather you can... you can do anything you like....but I'd really rather you not. The cold part is what keeps the little guys alive..."

Just so you know....That was a really uncomfortable conversation.

As a horsewoman you inevitably become comfortable with using such terms as "semen"without a passing thought... or casually discussing your mares heat cycle! "I'd stand five feet back from the rump of that mare unless you want to get soaking wet... she's a raunchy one!!" .....THAT just may make a non-horsey person squirm a little..... !!

So, the topic of my post was not to see how many times I could type the word "semen" (that makes five). I would like to discuss the concept of "stallion service auctions" ...

(I found these paintings here...I love them)

Tis the season to buy semen!!!! (6) For those of you who don't know, this is the time of year that a lot of organizations hold their stallion service auctions. The basic idea is that breeders donate a breeding of a stallion to a club, organization or charity and that group then auctions it off to the highest bidder. The stallion owners get to promote their stallions, the organization gets to raise funds and in most cases, the mare owners get a reduced rate on a breeding. Its a win, win, win situation. Most stallion auctions are discipline specific, such as the National Youth Cutting Horse Association. featuring some of the top stallions in the industry. Or the National Reining Horse Association's Sire and Dam auction.. In most cases (such as in the above listed) once the actual auction has ended, any breeding's that were not sold are listed on a first come, first served (pardon the pun) basis at 40-50% off the advertised stud fee. It is a great way to find a breeding to a really good stallion at a reduced rate!! Most auctions cover the stud fee only (winning bidder is still responsible for chute fees, booking fees and shipment costs).

For those interested, here is a list of Stallion Service Auctions here: You'd be surprised how many of them there are!!!

So.... Semen!!!! (7) *sticks tongue out* Ha!


  1. I have often included that in a list of "You might be a horse person if...."

    If you have ever seriously freaked out one of your non-horsey friends with a AI conversation with the Stallion owner over your cell phone.

    My friend was in my car - and about ready to open the door and jump for it by the time I got off the phone.

    You have a great Christmas if I don't get online until then!

  2. LMAO!!! I love it. You go girl.

    Reminds me of a conversation here this summer- boarders boyfriend is NOT a horse person. Had never seen a gelding dropped before. As his girlfriend went into the paddock to get her mare, Sneaky the Shetland pony decided it was time to tinkle and he let down as far as his little weenie would let down. The Boyfriends eyes about popped out of his head, and he muttered, "Oh My God. Look at how BIG that thing is!"

    I about peed myself laughing. Told Boyfriend that he best not be around a breeding shed if he thought Sneakers was impressive!

    Ahh the joys of torturing nonhorse folks!

  3. lol!! Absolutely true. When talking to my coworker about the chiro saying my mare was in perpet heat, she kind of wondered how we knew. I'm like well.....they kind of lift their tales and wink. That's a more obvious clue. She gave me a wide eyed look and said "GROSS!!!" I'm like hey, what are you supposed to do, put undies on them?? lol sheesh.

  4. lmao I love it! And know exactly what you mean! And the boarder guards here are quite nit picky to boot! I always love hearing about peoples experiences with the boarders patrol!

  5. I love your posts! They really get me going! Who is the artist who painted the pictures in this post?

    I love them!


  6. Penis, Penis, Penis!!!! LOL!!! Just thought that I would contribute to your "dirty" language post...teeheehee!!!

    ...That and I wish Twilight talked more about them (am I saying too much???). So I finished it, and I will start the next one tonight. Why is it not as good??? You have to tell me!!! I cannot stand the suspense! :)

  7. That must have been an interesting conversation in the border guards coffee room that day - "you'll never guess what this lady had in her car!!"

    I was looking at the web site of a local semen importer - import from Europe - to me it was just another nice horse web site and my boss walked in and asked me what in the hell I was looking at. He just saw the words imported semen and didn't right away make the connection that it was for horses!

    Hope you have a Merry Christmas!

  8. You know, given that the border guard was packing semen himself... (that makes six, right?) you'd think he'd be a bit more accepting. Perhaps offering to top it off.

    ew. maybe not.

    I do sympathize though. I asked to have Canyon's sheath cleaned at his annual and couldn't quite say the word PENIS to the vet.

    Then he was all "Well, certainly we'll clean his PENIS and the reason the PENIS gets that bean in it.. and the best way to clean the PENIS..."

    Shoot, that was the most R rated conversation I've had in ages.

  9. I saw that recently on RFDTV. I don't breed my horses but that would be very exciting to have some of that good semen in your bucket....well, so to speak!